Among Cutthroats and Theives.

My surgery was last Monday. And I thought (because I know that I would want to know) I'd include a little play by play for all those vicarious masochists out there in bloggerland. In case you don't want to know (and really it wasn't that bad but I thought I'd put that warning in there.) DON'T READ...CLOSE YOUR EYES. (The pictures aren't gross, really, I didn't take any with the drainage tube/bag ... now that was gross.) On to the awesomeness.

Today, 1 week post op. still red, but mostly it's because there's still some sticky stuff left over from the tape that was along the incision. All the stitches are internal. OFF pain meds (since Sunday)

Monday afternoon I was supposed to be at the hospital at 12:30 (surgery was scheduled for 2:40pm). Connie (Clayton's mom) and Gramma J (Clayton's gramma) took me and the girls to the hospital. I would like to note that we were on time. The hospital was the one running behind. ( I wasn't supposed to eat/drink anything from midnight on. Sunday night I drank a big glass of water and had a little snack at around 10:30pm. Keep this in mind. It's important later on.)

They finally call me back to the pre-op area about an hour and a half late. I kiss the girls goodbye and head on in. They check my weight, blood pressure, temp and then...

Nurse: "You need to leave us a urine sample."

Me: "Hmm...you do realize I haven't eaten/drunken anything since last night and I've been nursing a baby all morning."

Nurse: Looks at me like I'm a moron, hands me the cup and points to the bathroom.

Me: "Oookay. This might take a while." I take the cup and head into the bathroom. After what seems like hours and no success (seriously I'm dehydrated!!) I give up and head back out.

Me: "sorry. maybe you could just take some blood?" I offer helpfully.

Nurse." Well lets just get you hooked up to the IV and see what happens, but we really need that urine sample!"

She takes me back to my little cubicle where she gives me a gown and a bag to put all my clothes in. Then she puts in the IV and asks a bunch of questions. Later the anesthesiologist comes in,

Anesthesiologist: "Could you be pregnant"

Me: "Well I suppose it's always a possibility."

A: "When was your last menstrual cycle? Are you trying to get pregnant?"
Me: "Uhm Feb. 1, 2008"

A. Looking at me like I'm crazy.

Me: meekly, "I have a four month old baby, I'm nursing her, I know that's not birth control but I really don't think I'm pregnant. Besides, I'd be insane to be trying to have a baby when I have a 4 month old."

A: "We really need that urine sample."

So I head back to the bathroom after the nurse helpfully ties my gown for me, "No free shows" haha.

Take two. I really am trying as hard as I can, It seems like forever. Then miraculously (and in slow motion) a drip begins to form from the facet and slowly drips...Ahhhhhh. YES! Success!

I triumphantly take my prize out to the cheering nurses at the nurses station. Who knew urine could be so exciting!

I get back on the gurney and wait for the awaited exclamation of "Congratulations, You're NOT pregnant!" yes. I know.

They then wheel me back to the room with all the bright lights. I can't tell who's who just a bunch of people in masks. "Here put this on."

" Okay"

A mask is placed on my face and then....

My eyes slowly blink open, I almost focus on someone sitting in a chair down the hallway...Oooh I'm sleepy. They shut again and open. Finally I manage to keep them open. Wait, wow! That was quick! "I'm trying to remember my dream" I croak out VERY hoarsly...wow I'm parched!

"Welcome back, take some nice deep breaths for me and get all that anesthesia out."

"okay" croak

"want some ice chips?"

"YES!"

crunch crunch, swallow ..ooh ow! choke, gag. Cough. mmm more ice chips!

"Here have some morphine" He hands me a pill and some water. More choking and gagging but I manage to get it down. Hey this isn't so bad, my throats a little soar but that's about it.

We have a nice conversation about our 3 year olds (his was born 13 years after their last...oops!) and were he goes to preschool. Then he leaves for a minute and while he's gone a bell starts ringing. Gee that's annoying, oh well, He comes back,

"That means you're not breathing deeply enough."

"Oh, oops, sorry," Breathe breathe breathe

That's better.

Dr. Getz comes over. "Hey, it went great, I talked to Clayton, I'll see you tomorrow" A man of few words, but a great surgeon.

Then Buck comes over to take me up to my room. There's some joking about his name, His wife also works there, I asked if she was call 50cent? Haha. Okay it's not that funny, they courtesy laughed though..

I get to my room and there's Clayton. I'm a little cold, and they but a nice warm blanket over me. Ah! Nice. It's around 5pm now.

Connie and Gramma bring the girls over to say goodnight. They tell me I'm allowed clear liquids an then I can advance my diet as tolerated. I'm starving! I'm not nauseous at all. Clayton calls room service (I can't talk well...too horse) Yep, it's what I thought, they don't have anything I can eat that's clear liquid. Great... I'm really hungry! Green Jello and a Popsicle (root beer) later and let me tell you that was the best green Jello I've ever eaten! Clayton comes back with some soup for me. MMM yummy but I'm still HUNGRY! By now they realize I'm not going to throw up and say it's okay for me to eat whatever I can. OOoh goody!

Hmmm.. Now it's after hours and they have a limited menu. Great. I'm determined to eat some real food. Yes, my throat feels super swollen, but I'll just chew allot! and take tiny bites. I'm going to eat all of that chef salad even if it takes me 2 hours (it did. but boy was that good!)

There was allot of checking up on me that night. I was actually doing really good. It didn't hurt nearly as badly as I thought it would. It went from feeling like I had a really soar throat, to feeling like my lymphnodes were HUGE where my thyroid used to be, to feeling some tenderness where the drain was inserted. I didn't get a real good look at myself until the next morning when they took he bandage off. I have to say the incision is bigger than I thought it would be (It's 9 cm... still not huge)

I had a lot of fun conversations with my nurse, Molly, that night. She was great...so fun. She was 9 months pregnant on her last shift and having contractions all night (plus she was dilated to a 4) that just felt like braxton hicks (sounds familiar? I hope for her sake that her delivery went as easily as mine did with Stella)

The next morning they couldn't wait to send me on my merry way. I was discharged around 10:30AM, Clayton brought me home and then went to get my pain meds (just in time too..) and by Thursday when the home care nurse came to check up on me she could take out the drainage tube. (YES! That was the only part that hurt, really!!) WOW..That was in me?? ew.

Now on to the results. Turns out it was Cancer. Good thing it's gone. It was a minimally invasive follicular carcinoma 2.5cm to be precise. (and in case you feel like googling) It's 100% curable. It wasn't in any of the other nodules or the lymph nodes and all I'll have to do is take some radioactive (yikes) iodine to kill any remaining thyroid cells.

So that's it! A BIG THANK YOU to Connie and Gramma for all their help!

See? Not too bad, you probably won't even be able to see it in a little while. That hole is where the drainage tube came out. It's all closed up it's just healing now.

Awesome.

This was Friday afternoon.